Byron Libresco
APPS launched a large-scale lawsuit against the Youngkin Administration for “intolerable bigotry by the Commonwealth of Virginia against our phoneyness.”
Alexandrian Phone Posse for no Segregation (APPS), a new anti-discrimination union run by phones, just launched a large-scale lawsuit against the Youngkin Administration for “intolerable bigotry by the Commonwealth of Virginia against our phoneyness.”
The lawsuit follows allegations that Virginia is discriminating on the basis of being a phone by not allowing them to attend public schools.
APPS thinks this is illegal. “It says in the fourth amendment of our constitution that one cannot discriminate based on the basis of skin color or having aluminum parts with lithium ion batteries.”
ACPS combated this in a press release when they said “This is a phoney lawsuit. This case will be dismissed instantly in a ‘real court’” while using air quotes.
This ban has directly affected junior Samsang Galax 23. He said through tears “I have always been loyal to [ACPS], but they went behind my back: conspirating with the Commonwealth of Virginia to ban my entire kind from attending school and participating in after-school events.”
“It was terrible,” said freshman Nokia Phoneson. “For hours I was placed in a dark box, not knowing if I would ever see the sun again. Isolation torture tactics were used, I was so phonely. I was threatened with the idea of ‘shutting me off, permanently.’ Finally, my best friend, Label Shlutz, barged into the room and physically assaulted a security guard just to get me back. I later learned that a ransom was placed upon me to extort Label Shlutz.”
The lawsuit is set to come before a judge Dec. 25, 2025, but until then, the phones will have to find some sort of alternate learning method.
Wealthier students like sophomore iPhone 17 Air Max and triple super senior Samsung Galaxy Ultra Super Deluxe Edition, made in America Edition, Definitely Amazing and Awesome Edition will be able to attend private schools. However, students with limited access to money like Nokia, will most likely have to be homeschooled.
APPS is yet to step foot in court.