Following an excellent showing at the club fair, it’s clear that the Alexandria City High School community is continuing to provide a unique assortment of student organizations. Students of all grades have the opportunity to join whichever clubs represent their interests and values best. While there are too many clubs to feature in one article, some stood out.
One such club is the Future Organ Donors of America, which works in partnership with the Teen Wellness Center to provide free, confidential organ-recovery operations for students who need a helping hand (or in this case, a helping kidney). If students want to donate their organs, all they need to do is pass a preliminary health exam. No parental consent is required.
[FODA is legally required to inform the reader that the club cannot be held liable for any injury or loss of life incurred during an operation, nor are they responsible for any post-surgery complications.]
Another student organization worth checking out is the Alternative Fact-Finding Club, which meets at varying times and places in order to prevent infiltration by the “deep state”. The AFFC prides itself on being the only trustworthy organization for students to get the uncensored news from. Recent revelations by the AFFC include finding out Principal Hair-gel is a reptilian, discovering an ancient secret city located underneath the King Street Campus, and revealing the true demonic nature of cafeteria spicy chicken sandwiches. WAKE UP TO REALITY today, Titans.
Any students interested in learning more about ancient esoteric knowledge should join the ACHS Young Occult Practitioners, a beginner-friendly coven of practicing witches and warlocks. YOP isn’t just a club; it’s a safe space and community that teaches how to properly perform incantations, animal sacrifices, alchemy, and divination. Due to a lack of funding, students are required to bring their own grimoire.
Looking for something more in life, or a higher purpose? If so, consider devoting your life to the Church of Scientology. As a Scientology scout, you’ll get to meet well known church members such as Tom Cruise, Danny Masterson, the lady who voiced Bart Simpson, Doug E. Fresh, and Stanley Kubrick’s daughter. You will also get the highly coveted opportunity to go to the Scientology compound in rural Nevada, where scouts will spend a refreshing two weeks communing with the ghost of L. Ron Hubbard himself.
If you’re a success oriented student, forget going to DECA and FBLA, join the Future Landlords Club. At the first meeting, budding entrepreneurs will immediately sign away their soul, a requirement for any aspiring landlords. At each meeting, students will get to develop the variety of skills it takes to be a landlord: none. Future landlords will get to practice sitting on their couch all day, extorting money from working people, evicting needy tenants, and just being a general leech.
With all these amazing clubs, students will no doubt have trouble deciding between them. It’s amazing how so many student organizations are dedicated to building a school of strong and capable Titans.
