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The Student News Site of Alexandria City High School

Theogony

The Student News Site of Alexandria City High School

Theogony

The Student News Site of Alexandria City High School

Theogony

The Truth Behind The Lie; Centurians, Cameliods, and Vantablack Eggs

The Truth Behind The Lie; Centurians, Cameliods, and Vantablack Eggs

Schmeekey, Staff Writer November 10, 2025

As Quarter 1 of the 2025-2026 school year officially ended, many ACHS students noticed strange occurrences across both campuses. From resonance fluctuations to the appearance of mysterious eggs, it’s...

Students participating in Learn and Lunch.

ACPS to Initiate Vote For Proposed Policy “Learn and Lunch”

Byron Libresco, Staff Writer October 24, 2025

On Oct. 23, 1:59 p.m., Alexandria City Public Schools announced plans to introduce a new experimental policy called “Learn and Lunch.” It will be voted on by the governance committee on Dec. 25, 2025. Learn...

Poor man being terrorized by known reptilian George W. Bush.

Alternative Facts Advice Column

Oswald Clinton, Truth Seeker October 7, 2025

Cassandra (17 years old): My parents want me to go to an Ivy League college, but I’m not so sure I want to. What should I do? Answer: Dear Cassandra, since you do not seem to have opened your third...

Scenes from the cafeteria as a duel ensues.

Refusal to Share Wi-Fi Password Ends in Duel

Sary Alcala Shehadeh, Staff Writer October 7, 2025

On Sep. 18, 2025, the ACHS students received devastating news that the Wi-Fi password had been changed. Widespread chaos ensued. Students frantically searched for answers, asking if anyone knew the Wi-Fi...

APPS launched a large-scale lawsuit against the Youngkin Administration for “intolerable bigotry by the Commonwealth of Virginia against our phoneyness.”

Class Action Discrimination Lawsuit Filed Against Alexandria City Public Schools by New Phone Anti-Discrimination Union

Byron Libresco, Staffer October 7, 2025

Alexandrian Phone Posse for no Segregation (APPS), a new anti-discrimination union run by phones, just launched a large-scale lawsuit against the Youngkin Administration for “intolerable bigotry by the...

Students exploring the EVIL club fair.

Thegony’s Guide to New Clubs at ACHS

Max Carpenter, Editor September 24, 2025

Following an excellent showing at the club fair, it’s clear that the Alexandria City High School community is continuing to provide a unique assortment of student organizations. Students of all grades...

Graphic by Rozalia Finkelstein for Theogony

Environmental Science Students Stung, Causes National Economy Collapse

Lillian Coulby and Rozalia Finkelstein September 12, 2025

The first week of school took a turn for the worse on Wednesday, August 20 when Patricia Evertson's AP Environmental Science class was brutally attacked by yellowjackets during an outdoor biodiversity...

Graphic by Byron Libresco for Theogony.

Students Seized in Skipping Scandal

Byron Libresco, Staff Writer September 11, 2025

Over the last week, 18 students have been apprehended attempting to skip their class at the King St. campus during the transition to Minnie Howard. Administrators are still trying to find the motives of...

A Minecraft Movie banner.

Minecraft Movie Causes Mass Migration to West Virginia: “MY SON YEARNS FOR THE MINES!”

The Minecraft Movie’s recent release has fascinated an entire generation of children with coal mining, subsequently causing an influx of adolescents aged 3-19 to migrate to West Virginia, revitalizing...

Trump and Vance uploaded an apology video to YouTube titled "We Messed Up," tagging Zelenskyy in hopes of forgiveness.

Trump and Vance issue apology after watching SEAL Lesson

Julia Gwin, Editor April 7, 2025

In a stunning reversal, President Donald Trump and Vice President JD Vance apologized to Volodymyr Zelenskyy, the President of Ukraine, for their hostile behavior during an Oval Office meeting in February.  In...

April Fools Objects

April Fools Objects

Rablo Pruz Crivera, Editor March 31, 2025

Students are frightened by recent vampire attacks at ACHS. From left: junior Cax  Marpenter, super senior Rablo Pruz Crivera, junior Meo Laucieri.

Vampires Overtake School, Administration Unphased

Savanah Shadow, Editor March 31, 2025

[BREAKING] On Tuesday, April 1, Alexandria City High School fell into disarray after a swarm of vampires invaded the King Street campus. Officials are still unsure how and why the takeover occurred, though...

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