The calendar says it, so nobody can fight me on it. It is the officially spooky season, so sip some pumpkin spice lattes and rattle those bones because Halloween is coming! Don’t worry if you didn’t pick out your costume last summer (weirdo), you can take one of these last-minute ideas to dress up as along with the helpful add on of the cost of the costume. (Along with helpful  Unless you don’t dress up anymore and are “too old” to go Trick or Treating, in that case, go be miserable somewhere else. (I’m kidding…maybe).

On to the costumes:

An influencer:

Not included: diet pills that totally work, a fake skincare routine, and “woke” captions on thirst traps Instagrams. Pretend you care for the environment by posting about the amazon rainforest (and sell those metal straws that you mass-produced). When you go trick or treating, remember to bring a business card for a $500 thirty-minute workshop to help people find themselves spiritually. 

Cost: All the plastic surgery

“IT” (scary clown):

“We all float down here.” You and 15 other people think that too. IT has reclaimed the spotlight with the sequel, Chapter 2, being released recently but it is also slowly fading back into the darkness. Leave the losers club alone or face your greatest fear-having 20 other ITs in the Halloween party you’re attending.

Alternative “IT” Costume:

Sexy IT (scary? clown):

A clown that kills little kids but in a corset, latex, and heels. *Chef’s kiss* Pure art. 

Cost: Ruining the movie for me

A dead meme:

Willy Wonka, Grumpy Cat, “U mad” guy, Area 51 aliens, the distracted guy (girlfriend not included), Lost, and so much more. All these memes have had their run, now it’s time to let them die. Embrace the new SpongeBob memes (Aight’ I’m about to head out, Ya’ll hear something, etc.) and leave the rage comics in the dust. 

Cost: Having to explain it to every person you meet

A group costume:

Haha, so funny, look at this! You guys are the Rugrats kids. You’re the life of the party with a group of 5+ people (who has that many friends?) until you get separated from the rest of said group and now you’re a bald grown man in a diaper sipping some beer out of a plastic cup. Maybe next time, stick to something more solo and simple, maybe IT?

Cost: The diaper                                            

                                           Bonus Content:

                      ~How to pick a good Halloween costume~

-Don’t pick anything offensive (use common judgment people, it’s 2019)

-No weirdly sexual costumes (Sexy IT or just search up women costumes) 

-If you dress up a baby, dress it up as a pumpkin or witch or princess or other wholesome things (the list goes on). Just nothing weird…..

-Don’t dress up a baby as anything weird (drugs, serial killers, etc.)*

-Also, don’t dress up like a baby (that’s just weird dude… see group costume idea)

*Yeah, these really exist…..yikes