After wreaking havoc on much of the federal government, Elon Musk, chairman of the Department of Government Efficiency — or DOGE — shared plans to expand DOGE operations to public spaces everywhere in the Washington, D.C. area.

In a post on his social media platform X, Elon Musk wrote: “Hey! I am interested in helping civilians everywhere and letting them know where their taxes go, so if you are in the Alexandria, Va area feel free to reply to this with some recommendations for waste to cut!”

This post led to a frenzy of replies with hundreds of Alexandria residents sharing areas of wasteful spending, including free DASH buses and monthly renovations at City Hall.

But one reply stuck out above all else. A resident named Davon Egbert responded with “I have an idea… How about you go to Alexandria City High School? There is too much there distracting kids from actually learning.”

Musk responded to the tweet with just one word: “Interesting ”

At 3:56 a.m. on March 29, Musk announced that he had met with Egbert and was going to reveal the proposed cuts to the school to make it better. Later that day, administrators of ACHS released a statement saying any interference from Musk would be “blatantly illegal,” and that he should instead “put control of Chinquapin Circle into the hands of ACHS.”

Unfortunately for the school administration, President Donald J. Trump signed an executive order soon after that gave Musk full control of ACHS until it is “back to normal.”

“I heard that the teachers of ACHS are eating the dogs, eating the cats,” Trump said. “So I said that’s enough. I’m sending in Elon. In terms of things you can do, it’s probably one of the best, probably one of the best, they tell me.”

Trump’s words caused uproar around the community. Egbert and others in a Facebook group named “Make ACHS Great Again” said that spending cuts are the only way for the school to be saved, but others were very much against the move.

Alexandria parent JB Pants said, “As a former resident of Alexandria, I know how terrible it will be.” When it was revealed the interview was being live-streamed to the White House, Pants said, “No, I mean, Mr. Trump, sir, if you’re hearing this you are the only one for the job. Now say thank you!!!!” she demanded of the interviewer.

Musk then held a town hall meeting on X letting people express their concerns. After Pants brought up the fact that he didn’t vote for this and no one asked for this to happen, Musk said “Everyone is too unserious; this should be fun and exciting and that they have a chance to be involved in the change to come,” before abruptly ending the meeting when a voice in the background said “delivery of special K for an Elon Musk.”

The next day, Musk announced that he would be tweeting throughout the day about everything he was going to get rid of.
The first thing announced was cutting teacher salaries in half, with his reasoning being that “There are too many. Look at the budget they take up a lot of the budget.”

“Recent tax cuts for rich people passed by the GOP will trickle down because we know that works really really well,” he said.
The Educator’s Association of Alexandria said they were “in the process” of fighting the move but teachers should “just give it time. In another 6 years we’ll have it all figured out.”

In response, Musk posted on X, “LOL just do better at your jobs and i’ll think about reversing it.”

Another spending cut announced by Musk was that he would be selling the Black Box Theater. He also would be repainting the Red, Blue and Yellow hallways at the ACHS Minnie Howard campus.

“If it’s DEI, it’s automatically gone,” Musk posted on X. “No favoritism for colors allowed.”

After going after supposed diversity, equity and inclusion initiatives, Musk turned to the Teen Wellness Center.

“You can say adios to the ‘teen wellness center’,” he posted on X. “I bet you didn’t know they were sending 50,000 condoms per month to their sister branch in Arlington. Not on my watch.”

Musk ended his rampage at the physics classrooms, where he took a selfie while posing in his trademark ‘X’ position.

“These r gone 2,” he posted to X. “Can’t have anyone learn aeronautics. SpaceX does not need competitors.”

He was subsequently knocked unconscious after walking into a bowling ball hanging from the ceiling.

“Ha,” said physics teacher Jeffiner Kaskgweunbcwurbgsibeeugbeubgeweiwrngen, who is close friends with former Democratic president Barack Obama. “I’ve stopped him!”