Theogony

Fall Objects

Pablo Cruz Rivera, Editor • October 24, 2024

Angry Children Rally With Lightsabers and NERF Guns Outside of V.P. Pick JD Vance’s House

Max Carpenter and Leo Maucieri • September 11, 2024

Last Saturday, a large group of toddlers gathered outside of vice presidential candidate and Time magazine’s 2024 “Most Awkward Man in America,” JD Vance’s Alexandria residence. Protests erupted...

AP Testing Tricks & Tips

Rozalia Finkelstein, Staff Writer • May 10, 2024

*DISCLAIMER* Following these tips may result in strange visions, supernatural encounters, and possession by unrestful souls. Theogony takes no responsibility for any side effects experienced. As...

BREAKING: ACHS to be new Bachelor Mansion

Julia Gwin, Staff Writer • April 29, 2024

The ACHS community is thrilled to announce that our school will be used as the mansion in next year’s season of The Bachelor. As this year’s season comes to a close, Bachelor producers are pleased...

In Brief: Who’s Coming to ACHS?

Yahney-Marie Sangaré • April 9, 2024

Many ACHS students prepared themselves for the spectacular on March 19, 2024, when two VIP guests were set to visit ACHS. Now that the event has passed, who did students think the speaker would be? Rhys...

Candidate Scramble: Who Would You Vote For?

Max Carpenter, Staff Writer • April 9, 2024

2024 is a presidential election year in the United States. Joe Biden, the Democratic nominee, the current President and the first president to refuse to take a cognitive assessment, is facing off against...

Superintendent Announces Eldritch Safety Measures

Yahney-Marie Sangaré, Co-Editor-In-Chief • October 23, 2023

At a Friday meeting, ACPS Superintendent Melon Cee-Howatt announced a revised plan for ensuring student safety and security at Alexandria City High School’s King St. Campus that some are calling “unconventional”...

The Teacher Abundance at ACHS

Ermila Mazariegos, Features Editor • October 23, 2023

As the new school year begins, students and teachers are more than thrilled to get back into the school groove. Students get to skip class and walk the halls again, teachers get to have one-sided conversations...

Top 5 Uses of the Rooftop Garden: A Theogony Guide

James Libresco, Editor • March 31, 2023

James Libresco guides us through some ~creative~ uses for the ACHS rooftop garden.

Virginia Education Board to Ban Social Studies

Yahney-Marie Sangaré, Editor • March 31, 2023

The Virginia Department of Education (VDOE) has announced that Virginia will move forward with a proposed draft of social studies standards that will, in the words of the draft, “just get rid of the dang thing.” This move comes after weeks of intense criticism from stakeholders, parents, teachers, students and academics over the January draft, which controversially included such changes as omitting the words “fascism” and “diversity.”

To Possum Or Not To Possum

March 31, 2023

We’ve all experienced that moment when you just want to sink into the ground or turn invisible, whether it be from fear or embarrassment. Opossums have the solution for you… playing possum. To play possum means to play dead-as you may have guessed the phrase is derived from the actions of the opossum.

New Schedule, New Curriculum for PRIDE Time in Fourth Quarter

March 31, 2023

The start of the fourth quarter has brought along with it a slightly changed class schedule: instead of having the Titan PRIDE (Positive attitude, Responsibility, Integrity, Determination and Excellence) block with 3R and 4B teachers, ACHS students will instead spend this extra thirty minutes with their 1R and 2B teachers before switching to lunch or their next classes. Additionally, the PRIDE lessons have been replaced with activities from an entirely new curriculum.