The Student News Site of Alexandria City High School


The Student News Site of Alexandria City High School


The Student News Site of Alexandria City High School


Top 5 Uses of the Rooftop Garden: A Theogony Guide


As the weather warms up and the spring season begins, ACHS students and staff will begin to utilize the rooftop garden again. While the garden has traditionally been used for simply eating lunch, times are changing and administration has asked for suggestions on new, unique ways to use the space. Theogony interviewed over 300 students on their ideas, and the top new uses of the rooftop garden are listed below.

Number 5: A Billboard Stand to Hire More Bus Drivers


For many students, getting to school on time is an issue due to the nationwide bus driver shortage.

“I’m often late to school because the buses are unreliable. If our district had more drivers, I would get to school on time. A billboard is the way to do it,” said junior Flah Tyer.

Although previous attempts at attracting new drivers, such as banners put up around the city, have failed, students agree that this will be different because of a new design.

“Do you want to have 70 elementary through high-schoolers yelling at you for hours at end?” the sign asks. “We have the job for you!!!”

“All of Alexandria will be able to see the billboard from here,” said Tyer. “With the added exposure from @alexcitytitans on Instagram, I know at least one person will join the fleet and help transport children to their schools.”

Number 4: A Holding Cell for Tardy Students


Although administration has recently made it incredibly difficult for those who are tardy to get to class, the consensus among Titans is that they need to take this one step further.

“After I didn’t get to my 3rd-period class on time yesterday, I was excited to wait in line at my academy to get a tardy pass. But when I arrived, there unfortunately was no line, and I had to immediately go back to class,” said senior Al Wayslate. “I know our administration wants us out as long as possible if we’re one minute late, and I of course don’t want to learn, so what could be better than banning tardy students from going back to class at all?” he said. “I think a holding cell is the perfect way to do this.”

Number 3: A Giant Treadmill for Mr. Speich


For anyone who’s been inside ACHS, even for just a few hours, one thing that’s immediately apparent is the energy that the King Street Campus Administrator Khristopher Spiech brings to the school.

Sophomore Aer Robich recently immigrated to the United States from Ukraine and, after seeing him speed-walk through the halls, mistook Spiech for Olympic track star and T.C. Williams alumnus Noah Lyles. “That’s not [Lyles]?” she asked Theogony interviewers, astonished. “He works here? He’s a principal!?”

“Surely a treadmill will be a good way to calm him down,” Robich said. “I just hope 20 feet will be enough.”

Number 2: A Graveyard for Lunch & Learn


After it was announced that the beloved Lunch & Learn program would not be returning to ACHS, students weren’t sure how to retire it once and for all.

“With all the work we did and the extended fight we put up, I think it’s time for some closure,” said long-time Student Lunch Committee member Hungry Hungry Hippo. “Burying my favorite program in my favorite part of the school would be just the right thing. Maybe we could even have a peaceful school-wide funeral.”

“I would love to go to that funeral,” said ACPS Interim Superintendent JoJo Siwa, who knew something must be wrong and began listening in after Hippo mentioned “school-wide” and “peaceful” in the same sentence.

Number 1: A Bald-Head Sunbathing Station


While this use of the garden may sound surprising, over 60 students and teachers ranked it as their top choice.

“While I was stuck in the main office with like 50 other students trying to get a tardy pass, I overheard Principal Palace, Mr. Shorpe, Mr. Felias, and Mr. Borzel talking about some ‘Bad Bald Boys Book Club,’” said senior Eve S. Dropper. “I was intrigued, so I came closer, and I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. They were all discussing a book they had just read on how to protect their bald heads during summer. Apparently, the trick is to sunbathe it daily with lotion.”

Dropper thinks the rooftop garden would be the perfect place to sunbathe.

“They were all so sad that they had nowhere to do it during school, and when I heard about the project to innovate the rooftop garden, it just hit me. I think a sunbathing station would be the perfect senior goodbye gift,” she said.

Theogony reached out to the club asking if one had to be completely bald to join, and was given a response stating the club “didn’t exist,” but Theogony mentor Lorie Elle, who happens to be balding, could contact Principal Palace for more information.

Images courtesy of Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development and U.S. Department of Agriculture. Graphics by James Libresco for Theogony.

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