On Wednesday, April 1, Alexandria City Public Schools Superintendent Melanie Kay-Wyatt announced that the school district has revised its policy covering inclement weather decisions and communications. The new policy comes after a slew of snow days this past winter, which saw 17 students simply disappear into the frosty void.
“We revised this policy with the lives of those lost students in mind,” she said, “It ensures that there will be no more snowman or Yeti attacks on children going to school. Everyone will be kept safe.”
However, a miniscule footnote included toward the end of the 434 page-long revised policy stated that “in the event of extreme weather events, ACPS central office personnel should be given priority regarding protective measures.”
To mitigate the disastrous effects of winter weather on student life at Alexandria City High School, Kay-Wyatt also declared that snowmobiles will be deployed in order to supplement inter-campus transportation. But much to the chagrin of students, the brand new snowmobiles are Minga-activated.
Administration also provided a canister of anti-yeti spray to all the security personnel at ACHS, but its effectiveness is debated. “I was trying to get into the building and out of the bad weather, but I was maced by a security guard who thought I was a yeti,” said Hugh J. Guy, a player on the high school’s varsity basketball team.
“I’m not worried about the hiccups we’ve had. With these new safety measures, we can expect to only lose three or four students in next year’s winter storms,” said Kay-Wyatt.
The revisions don’t just cover winter-related weather, however. Lance Harell, the acting executive principal of ACHS, says that “students will be protected from sandstorms, hurricanes, solar storms, ball lightning, atmospheric conditions similar to what transpired in Stephen King’s The Mist, acid rain, volcanic eruptions, hail the size of a small child’s head, another ice age, and landslides, among other things.”
“But make no mistake, students will still be expected to attend synchronous classes in event of extreme weather,” clarified King Street Campus Principal Ashley Carter-Sinclair.
Doubt remains among students, but with wildfires projected near Alexandria this May, the school district’s new policy will finally be put to the test.
